Losing You
by kristy87
Summary: Contains spoilers if you have not seen the promos for 8x01, GSR, the team is searching for Sara


**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI!

**AN:** Thanks to **Rhee** for beta-reading!! This fic is dedicated to **Myra** because her CSI promo inspired me to this fic :)

**Spoilers: if you saw the promos then no, if you did not, then yes. But other than that what we know from the promos it's all my very own speculation.**

**Summary:** The team is searching for Sara

* * *

**Losing You**

_"Where is she, Catherine?" He was so desperate and the pain inside him got worse by each minute that passed by. _

He'd been on a total adrenaline rush ever since Jim had finally gotten the tow truck driver to tell him where he had towed the red Mustang. Finally the helicopter had arrived and Greg had taken off to search the desert from up high, while Grissom, Nick, Catherine and Warrick had rushed there by car. When Greg had spotted the car Griss could feel how his heart stopped beating – until then he had never thought of the possibility of finding Sara dead. The whole time he had been telling himself that Sara was alive and that she was a fighter and that everything would be fine, it had been the only way for him to bring up the strength to work through his panic of losing her. But if they'd discover the car now and find her dead it would have all been for nothing.

And then they arrived at the car and he and Nick ran over to it. He was calling out her name but there was no answer. He was shaking when he made his way down the small dune, his knees almost gave in when he leaned forward to get a better look at the area that was covered by the car. He felt his heart break.

Nothing. No Sara. She wasn't there. He felt the tears break out from his eyes and he covered his face with his hand, trying to take a deep breath and telling himself to calm down. If Sara wasn't here, at least that meant she hadn't spent all this time being stuck under a car. But where was she?

"Griss?" Nick called.

Only then Grissom noticed that Nick was right next to him, kneeling on the ground. "What?" He asked, his voice sounding so weak and desperate.

Nick swallowed hard. "I think I found something." He said, pointing at a small edge of fabric sticking out from the sand.

Grissom dropped down on his knees, starting to dig in the sand. He felt his heart beating up to his throat. This was Sara's vest. It was her CSI vest!

"That means she's alive, right?" Nick asked, obviously as excited as Grissom.

"Good Lord, I hope so." Grissom replied breathlessly. With shaking hands he picked up the vest from the ground and pressed it hard to his chest. He wouldn't let go of it even if his life depended on it. This was all he had of Sara right now.

* * *

She tried to cough but her chest hurt too much, she couldn't open her eyes because the bright sun stung like fire, she tried to move her hands but it was as if her bones were made of jelly... only slowly she regained consciousness and realized that she wasn't dead – being dead wouldn't hurt so damn much.

* * *

Cath arrived about five minutes after them. "Is she alright?" She called out as she ran over to the car. 

Grissom was just making his way up the sand dune and gave her a desperate look. Catherine stopped immediately. "Oh God is she..."

"She's not here." Nick interrupted her, not wanting Cath to speak out what they all feared.

Grissom stared into the wide desert, trying to find any traces of Sara but no matter where he looked, all he could see was sand and sand and more sand all the way to the horizon and only a few, dry bushes from time to time.

He heard how Catherine took a deep breath next to him. "She's a survivor." She told him softly, trying to calm him down.

"Where is she, Catherine?" He was so desperate and the pain inside him got worse by each minute that passed by.

"I don't know. I really don't know." She sighed. "But we will find her." She promised.

* * *

She had no idea what time or day it was; it felt like she had been knocked out for an eternity. She tried to remember what had happened or how she had ended up here but her mind was blank. She did remember the sound of hearing her arm breaking though – the moment she finished her thought on that she could feel hear arm hurting and she grimaced from the pain. 

And the coyote, oh she remembered _that_. It had scared the shit out of her. She had always loved all kinds of animals but in that moment she had hoped for a hunter to come by and shoot the beast. She didn't know much about coyotes, she was sure they usually wouldn't attack humans but you never know. It had been circling the car, sniffing her fingers from time to time and she had tried to free her hand from under the car, afraid that the wild animal would start chewing on her but the pain had soon forced her to give up.

It had left her alone when it started to rain. First she had been thankful for the rain but soon she realized that the rain was what endangered her life the most. The sound of the raindrops had burned itself into her memory and it had turned into an unbearable melody. As the water had started streaming all around her she had started to panic. It hadn't taken long until a whole flood had hit the car and she had completely been under water. For the first time in years she had started to pray.

* * *

He felt lost. Lost and alone even though there were all those people around him. And he was so mad and angry. He was mad at Natalie for doing this to Sara, mad at the freaking desert because it seemed to have swallowed Sara, mad at God because he let this all happen. 

He turned around and saw Nick sitting in the sand, his thighs pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs and he was shaking. In that moment Grissom lost it. "Damn it, get up Nick!"

"Gil." Cath reached for his arm, trying to calm him down.

But Grissom freed himself from her hand. "Get up!" He grabbed Nick's arm and tried to force him back on his feet.

"Hey!" Warrick called out. "Man, calm down."

"I am not going to calm down!" Grissom's anger got even worse. "Stop this Nick."

"Gil, he's devastated, let him calm down." Cath made another attempt of soothing Grissom.

"I don't care! Cath we have to find Sara that's all that counts right now. Damn it." He snapped.

"I am not you Grissom." Nick replied annoyed. "I can't just shut down my feelings."

"Your feelings don't count right now!"

"Fuck you, Grissom." Nick got up. "After everything you did to her, fuck you!"

Warrick managed to grab Grissom and pull him back right before his fist almost crashed into Nick's face. "Are you insane? We're wasting time here, damn it!"

* * *

So the flood must have freed her from the car and carried her here, while that meant that she was not longer caught under it that also meant that it would be harder to find her now. A car like that was easier to spot than someone lying in the sand –_ if _there was someone searching for her. What if nobody had noticed that she was missing? Although, Natalie probably had left Grissom a nice little miniature of her smashed under the car; they were probably all busy searching for the car and no one would find her here now that she was separated from it. She had to find her way back there somehow! 

She tried to blend out the pain and rolled over on her stomach, biting her teeth together she eventually managed to get up on her knees, supporting her upper body with her uninjured arm. Her whole body was shaking and she had no idea how she was supposed to bring up the strength to get up on her feet.

She took a deep breath. "Damn it, Sara you have to do this now." She said to herself and then she took all of her strength together and got up. She could barely hold her balance but at least she was standing up.

As she was able to hold herself up a little better she dared to turn around and look for the car. But no matter where she looked, all she could see was sand, no trace of the red Mustang. At this moment she felt even more desperate than she had before. She started to cry and shake violently and all she wanted was for Grissom to be there and hold her and make her forget about all this.

* * *

Feeling helpless Catherine watched as Grissom left them all standing by the car and made his way out into the desert, no real destination in sight he just kept walking on, his hands still clutching Sara's vest. 

Deep down inside of him Grissom knew that what had just happened was wrong in so many ways but he didn't have the time to think about that right then. He needed to find Sara, that was all that counted. And if it was the last thing he did, he would find her.

He followed the traces of the flash flood that had obviously carried the car along and prayed that his path would lead him to Sara. He prepared himself for the worst now. If she had been carried along by the flood she might not be alive anymore, he knew the odds of her surviving this weren't very high.

He walked for what seemed like an eternity, calling out her name until he was hoarse. He kept walking on even when he felt like he'd pass out, the thought of her being there somewhere, hurt or even dying and being all alone just wouldn't let him stop.

* * *

And then she heard it, the sound of a car – for the first time in hours she felt hope rising up in her. She tried to locate where the car was coming from and headed into its direction. Finally she could see it; too weak to wave her arms up in the air she hoped that the driver would see her. 

But the car didn't stop. Starting to panic again she tried to run but she just wasn't strong enough, she collapsed into the sand, losing conscience once again.

* * *

_Have to find Sara! Have to find Sara! Have to find Sara!_ He didn't notice the car behind him until the sound of the honking ripped him out of his trance-like state of mind. He winced and turned around, spotting Catherine behind the steering wheel. 

She stopped and couldn't get out of the car fast enough. "We found her!" She called out. "Warrick just found her!" She ran over to him, having trouble keeping herself up in the loose sand she was more stumbling than anything else but she didn't care. "He found her." She told him again, reaching him totally out of breath.

His whole body was shaking and his knees finally gave in and he dropped down into the sand.

"Hey! Don't pass out." Catherine grabbed his arm and tried to get him back up on his feet. "Get up, Gil." She was pulling on his arm as hard as she could. "She needs you, now."

He looked at her. "She's alive?" He asked in total disbelief – after all these hours he had given up on every hope of ever hearing her voice again, let alone seeing her smile.

"I told you she is a survivor." She squeezed his arm. "Now get up."

With the tiny bit of strength he still had left he got back up on his feet and made his way to the car.

* * *

"Sara?" She felt someone softly slapping her cheek. "Sara? Wake up Sara." She tried to open her eyes but she was so tired. 

"C'mon Sara." The voice got clearer. "Don't you dare not wake up."

She could hear the sound of a siren coming closer. _An ambulance! They found me! They found me. _she felt so relieved but so tired at the same time.

"You're a fighter Sara, just fight a little bit more okay?" It was Warrick, now she recognized his voice.

She started to blink, causing Warrick to let out something that sounded like a happy squeal. "You're alive!"

She tried to say something but her throat was too dry and she couldn't make a sound.

"It's okay." Warrick took her hand into his. "The ambulance is almost here. They'll take care of you. Everything will be alright. You can relax now."

She tried to but she just couldn't. Where was Grissom? She wanted Grissom. She wanted to see him, hear his voice, feel his hand holding hers.

When the paramedics had her strapped to the stretcher to secure her for the ride she finally found her voice back. "Grissom?" She asked softly.

Warrick squeezed her hand. "I'm sure he's on the way to the hospital."

What did he mean with 'I'm sure'? Did that mean he that didn't really know? She started to feel panic rising up in her again. She wanted to be with Grissom now. Where was he? Why didn't Warrick know what he was doing?

Warrick must have noticed that she tensed. "Relax. He'll be there when we get there, I promise." He told her softly.

* * *

"Where is she?" Grissom asked as Catherine started the car. 

"I only know that the ambulance was on the way to her." She turned the car around, driving to the closest road the GPS showed her.

"Where are we going then?" Grissom panicked.

"The hospital. What do you think?" Cath sighed. "Calm down, everything will be alright."

* * *

Too many doctors, too many people in the room touching her with cold, gloved hands. She needed Grissom, where was Grissom? Why wasn't he here to hold her? She was feeling so cold; she needed him to hold her so she wouldn't be cold anymore. She was scared and only he could make her fears go away. She wanted him with her now. Now!

* * *

"Where is she?" He stormed through the entrance of the emergency room. "Where is she?" He rushed over to Warrick and Nick who where sitting in the small waiting area. "Where is she Warrick?" 

"They're taking care of her. She'll be alright." Warrick tried to calm his boss down.

Grissom took a deep breath, his hands were shaking and he didn't know how long he could stay here without losing it. He needed to see her. NOW!

* * *

She hated needles and these people wouldn't stop putting needles into her! It hurt, damn it. She grimaced from the pain and for the first time anyone acknowledged that she was awake. "It's alright dear. That's going to take care of the pain." An older nurse told her and squeezed her hand. 

"Grissom." She whispered softly.

* * *

"Did she say anything?" Grissom had finally calmed down enough to take a seat. 

"She said 'Grissom.'" Warrick told him.

"'Grissom' ...and then what?" Griss felt his heart beating faster.

"'Grissom.' That was all she said. Just 'Grissom'." Warrick sighed. "Listen Griss, she was really weak, but I'm sure she'll be fine."

Catherine let herself fall down into the seat next to Grissom. "Just talked to the nurse. It will take a while."

Everyone was quiet for a few minutes, it was an uncomfortable atmosphere, everyone was worried about Sara and then there was the fight between Nick and Grissom; nobody was quite sure how to deal with that.

"So since when are you and Sara seeing each other?" Catherine couldn't bear the silence anymore.

Grissom looked up. The question seemed way too personal but then there was no point in hiding their relationship any longer and after everything that had happened today he was tired of pretending. "Little over two years."

You could basically hear everyone's jaws dropping. "Two years?" Warrick asked unbelieving.

"And we never noticed." Cath chuckled. "Some CSIs we are."

Grissom couldn't help but smirk. Often he and Sara had been laughing about their colleagues, knowing all too well that they were walking on very thin ice way too often – and still no one ever had ever suspected anything.

* * *

Finally they brought her to a room, away from the cold emergency room. The small room wasn't any warmer and looked way too sterile, but at least the nurses and doctors left her alone now. And finally she could lie down in a bed – a real bed. She let her head drop back into the pillow and took a deep breath. This felt good. This was comfy. 

She closed her eyes and hoped that they'd finally allow her to rest when she heard the door open again.

* * *

Her skin was a little pink – the desert sun had left it's traces. She looked tired and you could tell that if it wasn't for the sunburn she'd be really pale. He didn't know whether she was asleep or not so he tried to be as quite as possible. 

He grabbed a chair from the corner and placed it next to her bed. He sat down and took her hand into his. As he felt her fingers wrap around his hand he couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He started to cry relentlessly and held on to her hand as if it was all that kept him from totally losing control over himself.

As she felt his warm hand on hers she had opened her eyes and seeing him made her forget all about the pain. When he started to cry she couldn't hold back her own tears anymore.

He only noticed that she was awake when he felt her body shake as she started crying. He looked up and their eyes met. Crying even harder now Sara dragged his hand up to her face.

He left his seat and leaned over her; with his hands on each side of her face he tried to wipe away her tears. Her lips formed into a soft smile, finally feeling him this close to her reminded her why she had not given up fighting.

"Everything will be alright Sara." He whispered.

She nodded softly. Needing to feel him closer so badly.

"I'm so sorry." He ran his hand through her hair. "I'm so sorry Sara. This shouldn't have happened to you."

She covered his hand with hers and tried to smile.

"You are so strong, Sara. You're the strongest person I know." He paused for a moment. "That's why I love you so much. You never give up."

"I almost did this time." She whispered.

With shaking hands Grissom brought her hand up to his face. "But you didn't; I did. I thought I lost you. I never hurt like that before Sara."

She ran her thumb over his cheek. "Sorry."

He shook his head. "No. I think I needed this." He confessed. "I was an asshole boyfriend."

She looked at him as if she wanted to deny it but knew that she'd be lying.

"I don't deserve you Sara. But if you just let me... let me show you how much I love you..." He sighed. "I am so sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't say that." Her hand covered his cheek now and he leaned into her touch. "I love you, too." She turned his face to hers so he would look in her eyes. "That counts." She paused. "Nothing else."

THE END

* * *

thank you for reading! If you have the time, please tell me what you think of this :) -Kristy 


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